nathan chow:

I had my first CouchSurfing experience recently.

CouchSurfing is an online network for strangers to find “couches”—beds, futons, floors—to sleep on during their travels. In general, the program is very safe, but before you host someone or get hosted by someone, you check their list of references and how many other people they know in order to gauge their legitimacy. The site’s philosophy is that travel is not only about locations but also about people. CS “envisions a world where everyone can explore and create meaningful connections with the people and places they encounter.” (If you’re interested in joining, add me as a friend.)

My first guest was Ana, a Spanish student here in the U.S. for just a week. I hosted her for two nights and showed her around Boston. For CSers, one of the most important things to observe in a city is its people and culture. She asked a lot about American life and also pointed out several differences between America and Spain. My favorites:

- Our flag in the Boston Public Library is HUGE, possibly signifying our immense amount of self-love and entitlement. Nowhere in Europe would you find a flag that big.

- Of all the things she saw in Boston, she was possibly most amazed at the big size of my fridge. Fridges and plates of food are twice the size of the ones in Europe. “Could I take a picture of your fridge?!” she asked. I said yes and that often the things you want to show your friends back at home are not photos of the Statue of Liberty or Times Square or whatnot but little cultural and social details like that.

- Americans are awful at being fashionable. No explanation needed.

- When we were eating lunch in Quincy Marketplace, I noticed an attractive young lady sitting next to us, reading a Boston guide. I struck up a conversation with her and found out she was a med student from France and that she was traveling alone for that day. After talking with her for a bit, I told her I was showing Ana around and asked if she would like to join us. She said yes, and for the next few hours, we all toured Boston together, discussed American culture (or lack of), got incredibly wet together, and took photos of each other (Mathilde’s camera malfunctioned right before we met, so she was extra grateful we met her and were able to take photos for her and of her). After we said bye to Mathilde in the evening, Ana asked me, “Meeting someone you don’t know like that is not typical in America, right?” I said “Right.”

(I guess my openness to strangers is not very American. Read http://nathanchow.net/journal/2010/01/27/on-peace-love-and-harmony-part-i-believing/ for how I hitched a car ride from strangers when I was stranded on an island once! It restored my faith in humanity.)

Some of my own reflections on all this:

- I might say I learned as much about my town and country as Ana and Mathilde did. Almost everything they pointed out about America was known to me already, but for some reason, having a foreigner directly say those things to me drilled it into me. When I invited Mathilde on our tour, she correctly pointed out that I got to see things I normally don’t see in my town (I went on the Freedom Trail for my first time!). But on a deeper level, it’s as if I see my own town through Spanish and French eyes now. Marcel Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

- Saying good-bye to Mathilde and Ana made me feel as if I were one of the characters in the films “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset.” This first CouchSurfing experience, along with welcoming another stranger to join my “tour,” really was about human connection. If I were to describe CS: You meet someone you might never see again, but you know you have a few days—or a few hours—to connect. You let them into your home, you step into theirs. You teach them, you learn from them. You do all this while knowing that shortly after hello is the threat of good-bye. It doesn’t matter. What happens between hi and bye is what matters—it’s yours, it’s theirs, it’s shared. And it’s kept forever.

Some special thanks: <3

- Leanne: (I just met her because she was a fan of one of my blogs.) I had a wonderful conversation with you and Ana on Ana’s first night here. Thanks for coming over so late on a Sunday night! More food adventures and dares to follow..

- Kayla H.: Thanks for stopping by! I rarely get to see you anymore. Put on your coat! We will finish our barter soon.. and possibly add more to it lol.

- Rossella and Sima: Thanks for introducing me to CouchSurfing!

- Sima and Weronika: Thanks for your very well-kept and frequently updated blogs on Spain. Some of the things I talked to Ana about were inspired by your posts!

- Paul: Thank you for allowing me to bring Ana over!

Dear Family and Friends,

Happy Chinese and Lunar New Year!!!!!!!!

Today (February 13th) marks the eve of the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2010. Although it is celebrated by most Asians, different countries have different ways of celebrating it. In this note, I can tell you only about the Chinese ways—and in most cases, the traditions, beliefs, and practices I mention are the ones that just my own family has passed down and kept.

Also, instead of writing an essay this year, I decided to present this note as an array of tidbits on Chinese culture that are easily dipped into (although the note is best read beginning to end):

The Zodiac

- The Chinese Zodiac cycles through 12 years, each one associated with an animal. Your year of birth determines your zodiac sign and personality.

- Today is the first day of the new year of the Tiger. Tigers are born in 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, etc. and are known to be brave, competitive leaders who are charming and well-liked.

Food, Family, and Community

- Meals are always considered a joyous time for community and bonding. The Chinese value food and community mealtime so much that “Have you eaten yet?” is often the very first thing asked after a hello in any conversation. It’s the equivalent to the American “How are you?”. In very traditional villages, it’s a sin to let anyone—even strangers—eat alone.

- In Chinese restaurants, especially “dim sum” restaurants over a weekend, community and family values are very evident:
- The restaurant is often an extraordinarily huge open space in which everyone can see everyone. It’s as if we lose our sense of self and become part of the community.
- Each table is always round, stressing the importance of sitting in a circle.
- Tables with families often have all three generations present (the elderlies, the adults, and the children), illustrating the importance of family togetherness. In contrast, people of the same age often go to restaurants together in America.
- Dishes are served “family-style,” meaning they’re placed in the middle for everyone to share. The Chinese also serve others before they serve themselves.
- “Dim sum” translates to “to your heart’s content”—maybe because patrons point, pick, and choose dishes to their heart’s content.

- But while gathering together for a meal is important even on an ordinary day, it is considered almost sacred during the New Year’s Eve dinner. So many families travel to see their relatives just to eat with them that the days surrounding Chinese New Year are known as the world’s largest annual human migration, with more people traveling than during the winter holiday season worldwide.

The Nian Monster and “Gung Hay Fat Choy”

- The famous phrase “Gung Hay Fat Choy”—which people say to mean “Happy New Year”—actually literally translates to “Congratulations and Be Prosperous.” Congratulations on what?

- According to an ancient myth, the Nian monster (”Nian” translates to Year) was an ugly dragon that came out in the winter to eat people and livestock. Soon, villagers discovered that it was afraid of the color red, loud sounds, and light. When people were lucky enough to survive another cold winter and another Nian / Year, they were congratulated—hence “Gung Hay Fat Choy.”

- Over time, traditions to start off the new year have evolved, but most have their roots in scaring off evil spirits and the Nian monster: wearing red, passing out lucky red envelopes with money, leaving the lights on for the first night of the year, and watching traditional dragon and lion dances accompanied by loud drums and loud, red firecrackers.

Lucky Number Eight, Hair, and Prosperity

- The word for the number “eight” (baat or bat) in Chinese sounds similar to the word for “prosperity” (faat or fat), making it the luckiest of all numbers. That’s why the Asian supermarket chain in Boston is named Super88 and not any other random number. It’s also why the Chinese decided to have the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony on 8/8/08 at exactly 8:08:08 local time. It’s THAT big of a deal.

- (Not really related to prosperity, but just pointing this out: The number “four” is the least lucky Chinese number because it’s a homonym for “death.” When it stands alone, it is unlucky, but if it is paired with another number, the phrase can change. “49″ means “dead enough,” “48″ means “die prosperous,” and “45″ means “can’t die.”)

- The word for “prosperity” is also a homonym of the root word for “hair” (tuw faat). For fear of washing away their prosperity, the Chinese do not wash their hair on the first day of the new year and for fear of cutting their prosperity, they do not cut their hair in the first few days following the new year.

The Role of the Elderly and Dead Ancestors

- Aging is a positive thing in China (although Americans might think we never physically age.. hehe). Age goes hand-in-hand with social status, power, and command for respect. A word for “old man” (gong) is the same as the word for a god. (For those of you who are Cantonese, think of “gong gong” the maternal grandfather and “ley gong” the thunder god.)

- When older relatives die, the Chinese believe they have power over the living. We depend on them for good health, fortune, and prosperity. We bow to their shrines, leave food out for their spirits to eat, burn fake money so they could use it in the afterlife, and address our prayers TO them—not have prayers about them. Indeed, dead ancestors are treated like gods. Again, it’s all about the power of family.

- Unlike American homes with lots of photos of children and the new generation, Chinese homes have lots of photos of and even shrines for grandparents and great-grandparents.

- Interestingly, even though New Year’s is the biggest and happiest holiday in China and funerals of grandparents are one of the saddest occasions, New Year’s and funerals share a few traditions.
- Just like how we do not get haircuts in the beginning of the new year, we also do not get haircuts for 49 (whose homonym is “dead enough”) days after an elderly’s death.
- The two main occasions in which red envelopes (”hong bao” or “lai see”) with money are passed out—especially from adults to unmarried children—are the New Year and at funerals. During the New Year, the amount in each envelope is always an even number, while at funerals, it is always an odd number. It perhaps illustrates the contrast between happiness and the death of an ancestor.

American New Year vs Chinese New Year

- Chinese New Year is a time to recognize once again that it’s not about me. It’s about us. It’s about eating together and being together with living family members. It’s about how well I’ve remembered dead ancestors throughout the year to be able to get new blessings from them this year. It’s about family and community.

- Right before the new year begins, the Chinese clean their homes, buy new clothes, and get haircuts to start anew and get rid of bad spirits. Being proactive is found right before the new year. Being reactive is found after the new year begins.

- When the Western New Year begins, it is about a newfound sense of determination in achieving individualistic goals, while the Chinese New Year is about a renewed sense of commemoration and remembrance of family and dead ancestors. It’s all about people together, not individuals.

- While Americans get things done on their own, the Chinese slow down just to hope for things from others. Americans become proactive, while the Chinese become reactive and open to receiving more blessings like happiness, good health, and wealth from dead ancestors.

- Influenced by Buddhism and Eastern religion, we recognize that to be happy, all we need to do is sit back and be thankful for what we are Given. After all, there’s nothing more worthy of gratefulness than surviving another Nian—another Year—and still being on this beautiful planet with family, friends, and community.

——–

So to all my family and friends who celebrate Chinese New Year or any other Lunar New Year, I wish you all the happiest new year possible.

Be healthy. Be happy. Be prosperous. Be hopeful. But most of all: Be grateful.

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!!!!!!!! XIN NIAN KUAILE!!!!!!!! =)

(And yes, that would be a lucky 8 exclamation points.)

Love Always,

Nathan

I made a few additions to last year’s note:

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!

Tonight (January 25th) is New Year’s Eve, often celebrated by a big feast with family and friends. In fact, as hundreds of millions of Asians travel to see their relatives, the period around Chinese New Year is considered the largest human migration.

The Chinese Zodiac cycles through 12 years, each one associated with an animal. Tomorrow marks the first day of the new year of the ox.

The famous phrase “Gung Hay Fat Choy,” which most people use to mean “Happy New Year” actually literally translates to “Congratulations and Be Prosperous.” According to an ancient myth, the Nian monster (which translates to Year) looked like an ugly dragon and liked to eat people and livestock but was afraid of the color red, loud sounds, and light.

When people were lucky enough to survive another cold winter and another Nian and Year, they were congratulated. Over time, traditions to start off the new year have evolved. Today they include scaring off evil spirits and Nian by wearing red, passing out lucky red envelopes with money, lighting loud firecrackers, and leaving the lights on for the first night of the year–all activities the Nian monster would be afraid of.

Also, to symbolize a fresh start in the days leading up to the New Year, the Chinese get new haircuts, buy new clothes, and clean their houses.

Unlike the Western New Year, in which people make resolutions and try to be more proactive in the days following the new year, in the Chinese New Year, we simply ask the precious spirits of dead ancestors for blessings, including good health and prosperity. Then we hope for the best.

While proactivity is for the whole year and not just the start of the year, some Chinese, especially the Buddhists, also understand that some things are just meant to be and shouldn’t be bothered with. We can ask for the best and work towards it, but we are content with whatever we are given. There are few things more worthy of gratefulness than surviving another year and still being on this beautiful planet.

So to all my friends who celebrate Chinese New Year or any other Lunar New Year, I wish you all the best blessings possible.

Be healthy. Be prosperous. Be happy. Be hopeful. But most of all: Be grateful.

Enjoy the new year!!!!!!!!

(And yes, that would be a lucky 8 exclamation points.)

Love Always,
Nathan

P.S. Sorry I couldn’t tag everyone! I tried to switch it up a bit with who I tagged this year.

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i usually get through everything in life fine. you can throw anything at me, and either i’ll have the strength and endurance to fight it or i’ll have the attitude to not care about it. but even if i got through this week, i’ll have to admit that it was one of the roughest i’ve ever had – rough enough to leave me scarred.

i had a test monday; a paper due wednesday; a quiz wednesday; a project to prepare, film, and edit; lots of reading to catch up on; a bunch of meetings and gatherings; and my grandpa’s funeral to go to on thursday. i barely slept each night, and i had to squeeze in short naps in my little free time just to prevent my eyes from burning. having teary eyes at the funeral and standing near a pot of burning incense didn’t help much either (at chinese funerals, we burn things like play money so the dead can spend it in heaven).

to top it all off, when i was getting back into the car at the cemetery, the corner of the swinging door left a bloody scratch under my right eye. after i bowed three times to grandpa in his coffin, traditionally i wasn’t supposed to look back at the coffin. so i was opening the door while staring at the ground, and the funeral car doors were heavier and longer than i expected. the top corner scratched my face and left me an apt reminder of the battle i survived this week.

at the end of the week on friday, i fell back on my own “religions”: Kindness, Hope, and Trust. (under religious views on my facebook profile, i have “Kindness, Hope, and Trust are the world’s greatest religions.” one of my friends, a writer for the daily free press, mentioned it in her article about faith last year.)

anyway, on friday, i pointed out a dropped ipod to its owner, i helped a random prospective student and his family find directions, and i helped out a (new?) resident with her mailbox in the mailroom. i usually do stuff like that, but more than ever, this time they were nice reminders that under all the hardships and adversity, there is still meaning in this hustle and bustle we call life.

i Hope things will get better. no, i Trust they will.