nathan chow:

What is missing in today’s classroom? What is the most important thing I teach to my middle schoolers? How do we use our classroom to get to world peace?

I believe that character education—especially lessons on love and respect—is missing in our education system and yet is the most important thing we should teach.

I gave a “TED Talk” (ted.com) at Boston University’s TEDxBU in February 2011. It was titled “The Missing Lesson: Character Lesson” and was meant to be very emotionally raw, inspirational, and entertaining.

Some live Tweets about my talk were “Nathan Chow is KILLING IT!”, “Mr. Chow’s got jokes!” and “Endearingly funny.”

Watch the informal video of my 7-minute talk for yourself!:

Better video of Nathan Chow’s TED Talk: The Missing Lesson: Character Education

My friend recorded this with her little digital camera, so the audio quality isn’t the best, but I liked how it captured audience reactions better than the official video (http://bit.ly/ncted11). Below is the planned speech with some corrections to what I actually said. Visuals timed perfectly were important in my talk, so make sure you’re watching the video, but refer to this transcript if there’s something you can’t hear. Enjoy!

Comments and feedback are always appreciated! =)

(I think, as a postscript, I want to say that I’m not an expert on character education. I was flattered but overwhelmed by the attention I received during the break for this TEDx event, as well as after it. I’m still a beginning teacher with lots of failures to take care of. As with most things in my life, I have a pretty clear and highly ambitious vision of what my classroom should look like and what my students should take away from having me as a teacher, but my successes are only sporadic at best. Still, some of my greatest strengths are in idea-making, vision, being different, and creativity—and I would always welcome having conversations and brainstorm sessions about character education and related topics!)

~~~

[First slide: Chalkboard-themed title page with talk title and my name]

Good afternoon and welcome to my classroom.

My name is Mr. Chow, but that usually makes me feel old, so let’s just go with Nathan for today.

Ummm.. people ask me all the time why I became a teacher. I tell them, first of all, it was not to make money. (pause) Well, that’s working really well…

(pause. wait for laughter to subside.)

I actually tell them that there are revolutions in teaching arts rather than just math and languages. There are revolutions in teaching children to enjoy the learning process rather than just aim for a test score. There are revolutions in diversified teaching rather than just lecturing. And thanks to Sir Ken Robinson and others, there are revolutions in embracing different talents and passions rather than just considering academic skills crucial to the world. We need dancers and entertainers, we need chefs, we need firefighters.

But rarely do we step back to teach what really matters to the world: character. It’s the most important but often missing lesson–and it’s what I feel most passionate about when teaching.

There are many aspects of character: focus, perseverance, respect, joy, teamwork, integrity. These are just a few, and I have a limited amount of time up here…

…6 minutes to be exact. Oh.. 4 minutes 45 seconds, 4 minutes 44, 43… (nervous sigh) At least now I know what it would feel like to win an Oscar tomorrow.

Alright, limited time. Let’s get straight to the point and only talk about the aspect of character that I truly believe is the most important: love!

We-need-to-teach-our-children HOW. TO. LOVE!

[new slide: book cover of Kama Sutra!!]

Whooops.. wrong lecture. That’s for TEDxxx.

(pause. wait for laughter to subside)

(what actually happened and what I said: “I actually pressed that slide way too early…”)

[new slide: chalkboard with a heart drawn on it]

I repeat to my students: It’s important to gain knowledge, but it’s more important to give love.

(slowly, quietly) Put stuff in (point to head), give this out (pretend to pull heart out).

(walk to sign language interpreter; directed at her:)

Put stuff in (point to head), give this out (pretend to pull heart out). Got it? Yeah, that’s an easy one. (thumbs up)

(pause. wait for laughter to subside.)

We must not only develop our talents. We must use them for the greater good of the world.

This works on a small scale: One day one of my 6th grade students told me her friend was absent because her long-time boyfriend just broke up with her. I asked her how long they’ve been going out. She said… A long time—eight weeks! I told my student that when she goes home, she should push her homework aside and call her friend. Talk to her, spend the night with her, give her a hug.

When we push academics too hard and ignore the character lessons—no matter how small—we are essentially telling our students that tests are the most important thing in life. (shake head slightly) Let us not forget the human side of teaching.

This also works on a large scale: If you learn something at this event today, then when you exit those doors (point to back)—…or these (point to sides) if there happens to be a fire soon–if you learn something at this event today, then you put stuff in (put to head). When you leave, give this out (pretend to pull heart out).

I have an idea worth spreading. But I am afraid of public speaking. But I still chose to be up here today. And I still choose to stand in front of my classroom every day.

All the knowledge in the world is useless—maybe even detrimental—if we don’t learn to use it for the greater good of the world. Cast away your fears and your idleness.

(pause 5 seconds)

Ideas worth spreading (point to head). Actions worth doing (pretend to pull heart out).

Learn it. Then do it. And do it for the right reasons.

What if we teach a student all the skills necessary for success but never teach her about character? We might get this:

[new slide: “Corrupt business executive” is written up top with a photo of money being exchanged in a sketchy way.]

What if we teach a student to enjoy learning on his own, to experiment with knowledge in the wee hours of morning, but never teach him about character? We might get this:

[new slide: "Computer hacker" is written up top with a photo of a hand in black gloves typing on a keyboard.]

And what if we teach a student public speaking, intense determination, and fierce leadership but leave out the lessons on love? We might get this:

[new slide: "Hitler" is written up top with a photo of Hitler and a Nazi flag.]

(pause 5 seconds)

(serious, concerned look at audience)

(in a whisper) I REALLY wish I had a joke for you right now.

We can teach students to reach their full potential but not teach them about love.

That’s a scary thought.

[new slide: chalkboard with a heart drawn on it--same as earlier in the talk]

It’s important to gain knowledge, but it’s more important to give love.

(pause 5 seconds)

John Lennon once sang, “You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

[new slide: cartoon earth with children of different colors holding hands to circle around it]

Do you want this? (pause 5 seconds. wait for audience response?)

(whisper) I do too.

[new slide: cartoon red brickhouse school with a bell on top]

It starts in school. We have to teach it.

Thank you.

(gesture: point to head, pretend to pull heart out, throw it out to audience!)

~~~

I hope you enjoyed it!

To Education and Beyond!,
“Mr. Chow”.. formerly known as Nathan Chow

P.S. If you are into this whole peace, love, and happiness movement, I’d also like to invite you to check out my other blog dedicated to these topics at http://oncewelive.com.

I wish I could see more people hug their heavy duffel bags with pride—not wheel a suitcase from behind as if they were detached, not leave something at home as if it were a burden, not ask someone else to carry it for them as if they were dependent. It’s only when we’re sure we have everything with us that we’re ready to travel somewhere new.

- Nathan

how dare we?

by nathan s. chow

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I guess this piece I wrote below is appropriate during all the political trash talk today, all the dependence on leaders and not on ourselves, and all the emphasis on the grand laws and not the simple human emotions.

May YOU make all the difference today, every day, and for the rest of your life.

<3 Love Always,
Nathan

Cross-posted to Facebook Notes and http://oncewelive.com.

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How dare we expect no nation to declare war when our own household and circle of friends is brewing a Cold War?

How dare we expect two nations to sign an immediate peace treaty when we don’t even expect ourselves to immediately hug, sit, and listen instead of getting the last word into a fight?

How dare we demand all nations to tear down their walls when we are building our own around every stranger we encounter?

How dare we write a letter to our senator pleading for a national ceasefire when we haven’t even written a sincere apology letter to our own ex-best-friend?

How dare we reveal our nation’s wrongs when we haven’t even revealed our own wrongs?

How dare we invent a way to talk to an astronaut in space when we haven’t even embraced a way to listen to the one sitting next to us with grace?

How dare we find a way to make our lives longer by finding cure after cure when we still haven’t even committed to make our relationships stronger by making love endure?

How dare we expect our nation to do so much for the homeless when we haven’t even done a little for our own homeless neighbor just begging to be smiled at?

How dare we have so much pride in voting in every election when we don’t even cast our own personal “vote” for change every morning when we wake up?

How dare we blame political leaders when we don’t even blame ourselves?

How dare we look down on anyone who doesn’t open the newspaper and doesn’t know what’s happening in the world when we don’t even open our eyes and see what’s happening in our lives?

How dare we depend on the people with big titles to make a change when we don’t even realize the extent of our own power?

How dare we preach and pray from the safety of our homes when we don’t even participate and perform on the front lines of life?

The next time we look in the mirror, let us look a little closer, a little longer.

Let us dare to change OUR world before we change THE world.

As we’ve seen in recent news, your next insult or cruel joke—even if small—can push someone over to suicide. And as we’ve seen on sites like http://givesmehope.com, your next compliment or positive gesture—even a smile at a stranger—can save someone from a life of depression. Small acts are tipping points. Be aware of the power of your actions. Think before you do anything. Imagine that you are always the deciding factor. The world is yours to enliven or destroy—one person at a time.

Love Always,
Nathan

I had my first CouchSurfing experience recently.

CouchSurfing is an online network for strangers to find “couches”—beds, futons, floors—to sleep on during their travels. In general, the program is very safe, but before you host someone or get hosted by someone, you check their list of references and how many other people they know in order to gauge their legitimacy. The site’s philosophy is that travel is not only about locations but also about people. CS “envisions a world where everyone can explore and create meaningful connections with the people and places they encounter.” (If you’re interested in joining, add me as a friend.)

My first guest was Ana, a Spanish student here in the U.S. for just a week. I hosted her for two nights and showed her around Boston. For CSers, one of the most important things to observe in a city is its people and culture. She asked a lot about American life and also pointed out several differences between America and Spain. My favorites:

- Our flag in the Boston Public Library is HUGE, possibly signifying our immense amount of self-love and entitlement. Nowhere in Europe would you find a flag that big.

- Of all the things she saw in Boston, she was possibly most amazed at the big size of my fridge. Fridges and plates of food are twice the size of the ones in Europe. “Could I take a picture of your fridge?!” she asked. I said yes and that often the things you want to show your friends back at home are not photos of the Statue of Liberty or Times Square or whatnot but little cultural and social details like that.

- Americans are awful at being fashionable. No explanation needed.

- When we were eating lunch in Quincy Marketplace, I noticed an attractive young lady sitting next to us, reading a Boston guide. I struck up a conversation with her and found out she was a med student from France and that she was traveling alone for that day. After talking with her for a bit, I told her I was showing Ana around and asked if she would like to join us. She said yes, and for the next few hours, we all toured Boston together, discussed American culture (or lack of), got incredibly wet together, and took photos of each other (Mathilde’s camera malfunctioned right before we met, so she was extra grateful we met her and were able to take photos for her and of her). After we said bye to Mathilde in the evening, Ana asked me, “Meeting someone you don’t know like that is not typical in America, right?” I said “Right.”

(I guess my openness to strangers is not very American. Read http://nathanchow.net/journal/2010/01/27/on-peace-love-and-harmony-part-i-believing/ for how I hitched a car ride from strangers when I was stranded on an island once! It restored my faith in humanity.)

Some of my own reflections on all this:

- I might say I learned as much about my town and country as Ana and Mathilde did. Almost everything they pointed out about America was known to me already, but for some reason, having a foreigner directly say those things to me drilled it into me. When I invited Mathilde on our tour, she correctly pointed out that I got to see things I normally don’t see in my town (I went on the Freedom Trail for my first time!). But on a deeper level, it’s as if I see my own town through Spanish and French eyes now. Marcel Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

- Saying good-bye to Mathilde and Ana made me feel as if I were one of the characters in the films “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset.” This first CouchSurfing experience, along with welcoming another stranger to join my “tour,” really was about human connection. If I were to describe CS: You meet someone you might never see again, but you know you have a few days—or a few hours—to connect. You let them into your home, you step into theirs. You teach them, you learn from them. You do all this while knowing that shortly after hello is the threat of good-bye. It doesn’t matter. What happens between hi and bye is what matters—it’s yours, it’s theirs, it’s shared. And it’s kept forever.

Some special thanks: <3

- Leanne: (I just met her because she was a fan of one of my blogs.) I had a wonderful conversation with you and Ana on Ana’s first night here. Thanks for coming over so late on a Sunday night! More food adventures and dares to follow..

- Kayla H.: Thanks for stopping by! I rarely get to see you anymore. Put on your coat! We will finish our barter soon.. and possibly add more to it lol.

- Rossella and Sima: Thanks for introducing me to CouchSurfing!

- Sima and Weronika: Thanks for your very well-kept and frequently updated blogs on Spain. Some of the things I talked to Ana about were inspired by your posts!

- Paul: Thank you for allowing me to bring Ana over!

Dear Family and Friends,

Happy Chinese and Lunar New Year!!!!!!!!

Today (February 13th) marks the eve of the first day of the Lunar New Year in 2010. Although it is celebrated by most Asians, different countries have different ways of celebrating it. In this note, I can tell you only about the Chinese ways—and in most cases, the traditions, beliefs, and practices I mention are the ones that just my own family has passed down and kept.

Also, instead of writing an essay this year, I decided to present this note as an array of tidbits on Chinese culture that are easily dipped into (although the note is best read beginning to end):

The Zodiac

- The Chinese Zodiac cycles through 12 years, each one associated with an animal. Your year of birth determines your zodiac sign and personality.

- Today is the first day of the new year of the Tiger. Tigers are born in 2010, 1998, 1986, 1974, etc. and are known to be brave, competitive leaders who are charming and well-liked.

Food, Family, and Community

- Meals are always considered a joyous time for community and bonding. The Chinese value food and community mealtime so much that “Have you eaten yet?” is often the very first thing asked after a hello in any conversation. It’s the equivalent to the American “How are you?”. In very traditional villages, it’s a sin to let anyone—even strangers—eat alone.

- In Chinese restaurants, especially “dim sum” restaurants over a weekend, community and family values are very evident:
- The restaurant is often an extraordinarily huge open space in which everyone can see everyone. It’s as if we lose our sense of self and become part of the community.
- Each table is always round, stressing the importance of sitting in a circle.
- Tables with families often have all three generations present (the elderlies, the adults, and the children), illustrating the importance of family togetherness. In contrast, people of the same age often go to restaurants together in America.
- Dishes are served “family-style,” meaning they’re placed in the middle for everyone to share. The Chinese also serve others before they serve themselves.
- “Dim sum” translates to “to your heart’s content”—maybe because patrons point, pick, and choose dishes to their heart’s content.

- But while gathering together for a meal is important even on an ordinary day, it is considered almost sacred during the New Year’s Eve dinner. So many families travel to see their relatives just to eat with them that the days surrounding Chinese New Year are known as the world’s largest annual human migration, with more people traveling than during the winter holiday season worldwide.

The Nian Monster and “Gung Hay Fat Choy”

- The famous phrase “Gung Hay Fat Choy”—which people say to mean “Happy New Year”—actually literally translates to “Congratulations and Be Prosperous.” Congratulations on what?

- According to an ancient myth, the Nian monster (”Nian” translates to Year) was an ugly dragon that came out in the winter to eat people and livestock. Soon, villagers discovered that it was afraid of the color red, loud sounds, and light. When people were lucky enough to survive another cold winter and another Nian / Year, they were congratulated—hence “Gung Hay Fat Choy.”

- Over time, traditions to start off the new year have evolved, but most have their roots in scaring off evil spirits and the Nian monster: wearing red, passing out lucky red envelopes with money, leaving the lights on for the first night of the year, and watching traditional dragon and lion dances accompanied by loud drums and loud, red firecrackers.

Lucky Number Eight, Hair, and Prosperity

- The word for the number “eight” (baat or bat) in Chinese sounds similar to the word for “prosperity” (faat or fat), making it the luckiest of all numbers. That’s why the Asian supermarket chain in Boston is named Super88 and not any other random number. It’s also why the Chinese decided to have the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony on 8/8/08 at exactly 8:08:08 local time. It’s THAT big of a deal.

- (Not really related to prosperity, but just pointing this out: The number “four” is the least lucky Chinese number because it’s a homonym for “death.” When it stands alone, it is unlucky, but if it is paired with another number, the phrase can change. “49″ means “dead enough,” “48″ means “die prosperous,” and “45″ means “can’t die.”)

- The word for “prosperity” is also a homonym of the root word for “hair” (tuw faat). For fear of washing away their prosperity, the Chinese do not wash their hair on the first day of the new year and for fear of cutting their prosperity, they do not cut their hair in the first few days following the new year.

The Role of the Elderly and Dead Ancestors

- Aging is a positive thing in China (although Americans might think we never physically age.. hehe). Age goes hand-in-hand with social status, power, and command for respect. A word for “old man” (gong) is the same as the word for a god. (For those of you who are Cantonese, think of “gong gong” the maternal grandfather and “ley gong” the thunder god.)

- When older relatives die, the Chinese believe they have power over the living. We depend on them for good health, fortune, and prosperity. We bow to their shrines, leave food out for their spirits to eat, burn fake money so they could use it in the afterlife, and address our prayers TO them—not have prayers about them. Indeed, dead ancestors are treated like gods. Again, it’s all about the power of family.

- Unlike American homes with lots of photos of children and the new generation, Chinese homes have lots of photos of and even shrines for grandparents and great-grandparents.

- Interestingly, even though New Year’s is the biggest and happiest holiday in China and funerals of grandparents are one of the saddest occasions, New Year’s and funerals share a few traditions.
- Just like how we do not get haircuts in the beginning of the new year, we also do not get haircuts for 49 (whose homonym is “dead enough”) days after an elderly’s death.
- The two main occasions in which red envelopes (”hong bao” or “lai see”) with money are passed out—especially from adults to unmarried children—are the New Year and at funerals. During the New Year, the amount in each envelope is always an even number, while at funerals, it is always an odd number. It perhaps illustrates the contrast between happiness and the death of an ancestor.

American New Year vs Chinese New Year

- Chinese New Year is a time to recognize once again that it’s not about me. It’s about us. It’s about eating together and being together with living family members. It’s about how well I’ve remembered dead ancestors throughout the year to be able to get new blessings from them this year. It’s about family and community.

- Right before the new year begins, the Chinese clean their homes, buy new clothes, and get haircuts to start anew and get rid of bad spirits. Being proactive is found right before the new year. Being reactive is found after the new year begins.

- When the Western New Year begins, it is about a newfound sense of determination in achieving individualistic goals, while the Chinese New Year is about a renewed sense of commemoration and remembrance of family and dead ancestors. It’s all about people together, not individuals.

- While Americans get things done on their own, the Chinese slow down just to hope for things from others. Americans become proactive, while the Chinese become reactive and open to receiving more blessings like happiness, good health, and wealth from dead ancestors.

- Influenced by Buddhism and Eastern religion, we recognize that to be happy, all we need to do is sit back and be thankful for what we are Given. After all, there’s nothing more worthy of gratefulness than surviving another Nian—another Year—and still being on this beautiful planet with family, friends, and community.

——–

So to all my family and friends who celebrate Chinese New Year or any other Lunar New Year, I wish you all the happiest new year possible.

Be healthy. Be happy. Be prosperous. Be hopeful. But most of all: Be grateful.

GUNG HAY FAT CHOY!!!!!!!! XIN NIAN KUAILE!!!!!!!! =)

(And yes, that would be a lucky 8 exclamation points.)

Love Always,

Nathan

The only thing worse than not being loved is not being allowed to love.

- Nathan

Two one-armed men looked at each other and realized that together was the only way they could ever clap again.