nathan chow:

I had my first CouchSurfing experience recently.

CouchSurfing is an online network for strangers to find “couches”—beds, futons, floors—to sleep on during their travels. In general, the program is very safe, but before you host someone or get hosted by someone, you check their list of references and how many other people they know in order to gauge their legitimacy. The site’s philosophy is that travel is not only about locations but also about people. CS “envisions a world where everyone can explore and create meaningful connections with the people and places they encounter.” (If you’re interested in joining, add me as a friend.)

My first guest was Ana, a Spanish student here in the U.S. for just a week. I hosted her for two nights and showed her around Boston. For CSers, one of the most important things to observe in a city is its people and culture. She asked a lot about American life and also pointed out several differences between America and Spain. My favorites:

- Our flag in the Boston Public Library is HUGE, possibly signifying our immense amount of self-love and entitlement. Nowhere in Europe would you find a flag that big.

- Of all the things she saw in Boston, she was possibly most amazed at the big size of my fridge. Fridges and plates of food are twice the size of the ones in Europe. “Could I take a picture of your fridge?!” she asked. I said yes and that often the things you want to show your friends back at home are not photos of the Statue of Liberty or Times Square or whatnot but little cultural and social details like that.

- Americans are awful at being fashionable. No explanation needed.

- When we were eating lunch in Quincy Marketplace, I noticed an attractive young lady sitting next to us, reading a Boston guide. I struck up a conversation with her and found out she was a med student from France and that she was traveling alone for that day. After talking with her for a bit, I told her I was showing Ana around and asked if she would like to join us. She said yes, and for the next few hours, we all toured Boston together, discussed American culture (or lack of), got incredibly wet together, and took photos of each other (Mathilde’s camera malfunctioned right before we met, so she was extra grateful we met her and were able to take photos for her and of her). After we said bye to Mathilde in the evening, Ana asked me, “Meeting someone you don’t know like that is not typical in America, right?” I said “Right.”

(I guess my openness to strangers is not very American. Read http://nathanchow.net/journal/2010/01/27/on-peace-love-and-harmony-part-i-believing/ for how I hitched a car ride from strangers when I was stranded on an island once! It restored my faith in humanity.)

Some of my own reflections on all this:

- I might say I learned as much about my town and country as Ana and Mathilde did. Almost everything they pointed out about America was known to me already, but for some reason, having a foreigner directly say those things to me drilled it into me. When I invited Mathilde on our tour, she correctly pointed out that I got to see things I normally don’t see in my town (I went on the Freedom Trail for my first time!). But on a deeper level, it’s as if I see my own town through Spanish and French eyes now. Marcel Proust: “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

- Saying good-bye to Mathilde and Ana made me feel as if I were one of the characters in the films “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset.” This first CouchSurfing experience, along with welcoming another stranger to join my “tour,” really was about human connection. If I were to describe CS: You meet someone you might never see again, but you know you have a few days—or a few hours—to connect. You let them into your home, you step into theirs. You teach them, you learn from them. You do all this while knowing that shortly after hello is the threat of good-bye. It doesn’t matter. What happens between hi and bye is what matters—it’s yours, it’s theirs, it’s shared. And it’s kept forever.

Some special thanks: <3

- Leanne: (I just met her because she was a fan of one of my blogs.) I had a wonderful conversation with you and Ana on Ana’s first night here. Thanks for coming over so late on a Sunday night! More food adventures and dares to follow..

- Kayla H.: Thanks for stopping by! I rarely get to see you anymore. Put on your coat! We will finish our barter soon.. and possibly add more to it lol.

- Rossella and Sima: Thanks for introducing me to CouchSurfing!

- Sima and Weronika: Thanks for your very well-kept and frequently updated blogs on Spain. Some of the things I talked to Ana about were inspired by your posts!

- Paul: Thank you for allowing me to bring Ana over!

BU is having its own “PostSecret” project, modeled after Frank Warren’s famous one. It got me thinking about two things:
1) My own secrets (some of which I will reveal in an upcoming blog post because I no longer need to keep them).
2) The secrets people have told me, especially at BU.

This post is just a collection of reflections on #2.

- I’ve noticed that a lot of my friends tell me things they don’t tell to anyone else. “You’re the only person who knows,” they say. “Don’t tell anyone else.” I get that at least once or twice a week, often unexpectedly. I bump into someone on the street for the first time in a month and they spill out a story to me that they say they never told anyone else yet.

- Through secrets and gossip, I walk down Comm. Ave. and I know who has “drama” with who, who likes who and who admires who (yeah, in today’s society, positive feelings are kept as secrets—stupid, right?), who hooked up with who last weekend, who was unfaithful, who was cheated on, who is depressed, who was taken advantage of, who’s a “player,” who does good things without ever getting credit, who has multiple negative stories about them floating around.

- I’m never sure whether to think all the stories as a collective are beautiful or ugly. I’m also never sure why people trust me when most of the time I’m seen as a jokester.

- I’ve noticed that one person’s secret is often another’s as well. But other times, one person’s gossip about another person is the opposite of someone else’s gossip about that same person. The more stories and secrets I hear, the more I see that the world and its people are both simple and complex.

The only thing worse than not being loved is not being allowed to love.

- Nathan

Two one-armed men looked at each other and realized that together was the only way they could ever clap again.

Today my roommate’s best friend complimented me in a way I hadn’t heard in a while when she said my voice is “very calm and soothing” and that it puts her “at ease.”

I’m not really sure how much I believe what I say in the next few passages, but I’m just gonna toy with an idea:

Few people compliment others’ voices. It’s always clothes, accessories, and hair styles that we notice and can easily make statements about. But after thinking about the compliment I had just received and how it was in line with my personality (or at least how I think of myself), I realized how accurate of a judgment you can make of someone just by listening to their voice.

Actions depend on circumstance and setting, clothes depend on fashion sense, and posture sometimes depends on just how comfortable it is. But voice stays relatively consistent. At big social gatherings, I can very easily act crazy and be an attention whore, while in classrooms, I am often an obedient and reserved teacher’s pet. Obviously I would raise my voice at a party, but whether party or classroom, I think my voice pretty much stays the same. Other ways of judging me may be accurate every now and then, but judging me by voice gives you a picture of the core of my personality.

Think of some of your friends and what their voices say about them. Is the voice soft, loud, weak, powerful, energetic, lively, monotone, blah, fast, slow, rushed, calm, shrill, piercing, stuttered, overly formal?

Compliment them! Even if someone’s voice has a traditionally “negative” quality to it, it probably says something positive about the person’s character. A weak voice probably means a chill personality. A piercing voice probably means a fun personality. Point it out and your friend may be pleasantly surprised by something few people notice about them!

I haven’t been to an airport in more than half a decade.. and in my four years at BU and in Boston, never have I ever been to Logan Airport (a fact that a lot of my friends who live far away find hard to grasp). That changed at the end of August.

My first visit to Logan was when a few friends and I (and especially Sima) surprised Katie there. My second was when I wanted to see Giselle there when she landed (even though I got there later than her plane.. haha).

My visits to the airport reminded me of the ending of the film Love Actually—that “love actually is all around.” Maybe my friends who fly often have grown used to them, but I thought the arrival gates were really exciting places to be. Giselle’s flight came in really late, but Katie’s came in at around 11 pm.. and I was still able to see lots of family members and friends reunite with each other.

I’ve been to few airports in my life, but after my most recent visits, I think I’ll vote them the number one place to see the happiest hugs. I really wish people gave hugs like that every time they saw each other and every time they said good-bye.

Yes, I truly believe love actually is all around. But I wish we were open to showing it more often—on a day-to-day basis, not just an airport arrival and departure basis.

When he was put back on the shelf, Teddy finally realized that he was loved only in the fleeting moments when there were spiders.

i love you: the world’s most plagiarized phrase.

who said it first – and how many of us are fakes?

- Nathan